Categories: Articles

The Truth And Lies Of Networking

Networking is critical for success. Yes, online social networking has changed this, but meeting in our "protein forms" still can’t be beat. It’s amazing how some people still get this all wrong.

I love networking (both online and offline). It’s not just about meeting new and interesting people, it’s also about personal expansion and self-actualization. It’s for learning about new things and being able to understand people better. In trying to understand the dynamics of networking (especially for someone like me who is more introverted and socially awkward at networking-type events), there is no one who has taught me more about the power of relationships (and their value to business) than the best-selling business book author, Jeffrey Gitomer (The Sales Bible and the Little [Insert Color Here] Book Of… series).

Give value to others before expecting anything in return.

Those who go to networking events and hand out business cards like they’re tossing out ninja stars rarely make any semblance of a dent in the networking world. In fact, they tend to be the ones that are relegated to the same lot as snake oil salesperson. What many people fail to do is provide the value first. Gitomer (who you can also hear me have a conversation with right here: SPOS #201 – Marketing And Sales With Jeffrey Gitomer) pushes his audience to think about giving a lot more before asking for anything in return.

"We should grab a coffee."

Any form of meeting has to either have a balance of value for both individuals or, if you’re the one asking for a meeting because you need some kind of favor (or want to pick someone’s brain), you better be sure that you’re also coming into the meeting with something of value for the person you have invited. Gitomer tells the story of loose connections who offer to take him out to lunch to pick his brain. His response is brilliant: "I’ll tell you what," he says. "You pay me $5000 and I’ll buy you lunch!" So, while the point may be that there’s never a free lunch, the spirit of Gitomer’s thought is super-powerful: if you want to meet with the sole purpose of sponging off of the individual, what is in it for them?

You never know.

That being said, sometimes the meetings with the least amount of structure or reason are the ones that eventually create the most benefit (both personally and professionally), but few busy people have the time and energy to sift through all of the requests to validate this concept. So, if you do have someone that you want to ask out for a coffee to pick their brains or ask for something, here are some pointers on how to make it happen…

Let them know up front what the intent is of the meeting.
Let them know how they will benefit from meeting you as well.
Let them know, specifically, what you would like to discuss.
Let them know how much time you need.
Give them a very big out.

Intent and the out.

It’s flattering that people do want to connect, and you should try to meet as many people as possible (what’s good for the goose…), but I’m shocked by how few people can clearly define what the intent of the meeting is and it’s equally shocking at how few people give an easy way for the person being invited to get out of the invitation without feeling guilty or looking bad.

You can’t force this stuff.

Great networking happens when both parties can benefit. You can’t force that. So in thinking about those who you would like to approach, really focus in on the intent of the ask and give them a guilt-free "out." More often than not, being that open and candid will probably get you exactly what you had hoped for, versus being ambiguous (because you’re afraid they’ll say "no" because you’re asking them for something) and resentful if things don’t go your way ("that person is an idiot because they turned down my glorious offer of me buying them coffee and trying to sell them something!").

Networking must be a two-way street. Which part of the road are you on?

Mitch Joel

Mitch Joel lives at the intersection of technology, business transformation and consumer culture. He is the Executive Director of Next Era Institute, a strategic intelligence platform helping leaders understand the forces reshaping business, technology, culture and society. The Institute identifies which shifts matter, explores their wider significance and translates them into strategic direction and momentum. Mitch is also a globally recognized keynote speaker. He has delivered thousands of presentations across both B2B and B2C industries to organizations including Google, Walmart, LEGO, Shopify, Microsoft, Procter & Gamble and Unilever. Strategy Magazine has called him “one of North America’s leading visionaries.” Mitch built his career by working directly inside the waves of change that reshaped modern business. He founded and built a digital marketing agency that worked with some of the world’s largest brands and was later acquired by WPP, where he served as President of a firm operating in 25 countries with almost 3,000 employees. Mitch is the bestselling author of Six Pixels of Separation and CTRL ALT Delete, and the host of Thinking With Mitch Joel, one of the longest-running business podcasts in the world. His writing and commentary appear in outlets including Harvard Business Review, Fast Company and Inc. Magazine. He is a member of Dr. Marshall Goldsmith’s 100 Coaches and was named to the Thinkers50 Radar. Mitch also hosts Groove – The No Treble Podcast, documenting the oral history of electric bass players. Mitch is also Co-Founder of ThinkersOne, a platform that enables companies to bring personalized thought leadership from world-class experts into meetings, events and off-sites in focused 15-minute bursts.